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The great warriors of our clan are all set for a triumphant return to motherland. This is a short excerpt from a series of interviews conducted by our poor reporters as they hitched in the warriors car(t)s from home to university. Other reason is the warriors' busy schedule of course! This is the story of their courage, conquests and plunders.
Saravanan "saro" balasubramanian: The hero of new Bhakti cult. He has entralled the consumption stricken Americans with his philosophy and bhajans. His mantra of "Come to Kaam and calm" has taken the multicast servers by storm. He gets expert advice on what grow above ground and below from his swim-mate Vaibhav, so that he can propogate the consumption of things which grow above ground and jump, like chickens. He expressed great satifaction from the Prasadam he receives of the generous followers VMV. He was particularly enthusiastic about the newfounds Hari "Debbuger" and Kaushik "Bug Finder" Narayanan. He was dumbfounded when he came to know that Kaushik's Kestrel processor was able to chant bhajans of JESUS - Saro further added that he wants to extend it to sing bhajans of other Hindu Gods like Rama, Krishna, Buddha. He said that he would personally like to mentor the newfounds once he returns from trip home.
Ramesh "Whatzup Man" Balakrishanan: This yankeee warrior is always upbeat. Sitting besides him one as he drives on a dark highway without healights (bravery exemplified) one could hear him say "Hey! come man lets do it more. The loot is fabulous man. I'm taking a laptop, palm top and top home. My hollywood friends TomCruise and Katherine Zeta Jonesa are accompaning me. Also African brothers' Hiphop songs are a great loot! I'll invite all our folks to come and plunder this stupid land. I wanna beat Mohammed Ghori. He plundered Somnath 14 times i'll plunder amrica n = infinity times, so what if my credit card bounces". No wonder he resembles the person who blessed US on 9/11 ( Ramesh himself once disclosed that he has a twin who is in Afghanistan - wondering whether his flight is destined for India or Afghanisthan ). Meanwhile his trusted lieutenant Ajoy Frank acquired a new winery, and has renamed it as A(joy)RAM(esh) wei-nary. Great going!!
Ravindra Vaishampayan: "Koyi kahe kahate rahe hamukoo diwana, thokaar mein hum logo re jamana...koyi kahe ..." one finds the warrior musing as he rides his chariot exploring the same land in long turns. He has been here and done all that. He asserts, "I have changed my projects frequently but this recent experience was scary. The german opponent was about to coax me in to a dungeon but i was smart enough. Mere des ki pukaar muzze bhacha le gayi phir kya!!!". He was admist great speculation of inviting a chinese agression but he remained silent on that. But he is very excited about his triumphant return, he has planned to visit all the poverty stricken areas in his empire and learn how to survive without maruchan and rice. We are fortunate to have his reflection Sri Srikumar to toil in the war-zone day and night.
Ravindra "Ravisaab" Srinivasan: As i was seated in his comfortable Nissan Maxima he sprouts "Hey!! tu phir kaisse tha! The conquest of San Jose and show at Naaz was great man!" He reflectively adds, "I have had soo many years in the land of conquest that i'm almost a native now. I have taught them all you name it Hindustani Chitrapaat, Cricket, Male-Milav (which these poor guys call potluc)." He was silent about his plans to conguer Zollulu for the Princess ***. However "bungi" sources from his fort on Heller Street did not rule out the possibilities of iminent agression.
Soumya "Shomo" Roy (Let hell be let loose on those who mispronounce his name wrongly as soumya which only some idiotic hindustanis do - ): "Ayye what are you doing man", greets the Bhismapitama of our clan. After thinking for some time he adds, " In our time there were so few Indians. My God!! now the city is full of them- Hardcore". He is about to print his 30th document of the day. It appears that he is going to spread the word about networking in motherland by taking the loot of about 3,000 high quality research papers. Our trusted sources in the JJ's salon informed that hectic activity is going on to print about 1000 mor papers, as the Pitama is about to break his oath.
Sanjit Zhala: The young warrior seated uncomfortably in his 340 karmabhoomi expressed his challenge, "Abe Salla!! mera baap ye data sets kya diya hai". The tacit war hero is the role model for new soldiers in the NorthBay garrison (teaming with martial art experts like Joyo 'Karate' Priya - beware of her - she is the latest incarnation of Durga- Kali combine ). He is working on the AI part of Kestrel Processor,(Computer Architecture is part of his 'royal' blood, arm, fingers, nail , hair etc - when he was a kid his grandma used to tell him great stories involving Computers,Rajputs and evolutionary games. he grew up with computers all around his farm, playing with small computer chips when he was below 2, playing with motherboards when he was below 10 etc) which will tell great stories of Rajput braveries to our next generation. There is widespread concern about what his baab will do when he leaves for India - he is so critical to 'war-muth'.
Amin Charaniya he has postponed his visit to motherland due to unavailability of suitable air-routes for his grande avion par excellence. Sources say that security issues owing to recent attacks on sky scrapers are his prime concern. He is busy collaborating with Bombay don "Bal Thackerey" through his look alike Amyn Poonawalla to make sure his safe home return, sometime later. His GPS "bahut solid hai" system is being deployed to track the enemy.
There has been widespread concern that the subjects of these warriors will be deserted. But the brave subjects based in Headquarters- North Bay, Party zone- Spring street and War base - Heller street have unanimously decided to perform a yagna, prayer-mass and namaaz for their safety.
Meanwhile all the warriors said that they will be missing higly optimized feast (1 by 4) of the 'THRIFTY' princess of Bengal's oracular wedding. Anyways all airtime is bought by cameras focussing the hectic activity in the subcontinent (Afghanisthan for Ramesh) to welcome the warriors.
================= America's new war-errors!! -------------------------- Copy-center of TIME OUT: Correspondents Vaibha, Weboo, Weibhav, Vaibhav, boo and bha (We are not hiring anymore!!). ================= ******************** DISCLAIMER: All characters in this issue of timeout are ficticious. They do not resemble any historical personalities or any non-living being. ******************** NEXT ISSUE: Top ten ways to handle exam nervousness!